never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
