how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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