the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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