You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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