Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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