all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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