If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
When are your genitals available?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
