i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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