i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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