Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
