Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
