We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i drank out of a bidet.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
