eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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