I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
