You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
