if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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