Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
