I think I just saw someone hide a body.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
