1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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