did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
