He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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