i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
