Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
