Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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