I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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