Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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