he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
