Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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