How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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