just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
