are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
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She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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