"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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