There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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