Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
