I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Bring me that man meat
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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