I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
