Betty ford says i'm here all night
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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