remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vagina is talking i cant
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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