can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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