Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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