dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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