Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
