Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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