went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
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Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
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Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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