he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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