i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"