so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
