I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize