You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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