I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
