Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
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No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
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Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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