I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
its liver damage thursday
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
