I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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