Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
