I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Randomize
