well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
