every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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