I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Pants are for mortals
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
