Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
