people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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