i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
