You work out of a Hotel?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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