AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
