Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
