Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize