i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
