brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
