Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
