I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
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got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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