i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
