totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
